Why I traded guilt for cocoa and cookies…

The other morning, I made my 11-year-old daughter cry. That wasn't in my plans. We were rushing to school, and she hates being rushed. As we skidded to a stop at school, I found myself yelling, “Go, go, go!” The next thing I knew, her eyes were welling up with tears.

I drove away feeling like the worst mother on the planet. I tried to calm my spiraling thoughts—deep breaths, hand on heart, and those self-reassuring affirmations: “You’re a good mom.” But it wasn’t enough.

Guilt with a Dash of Cocoa

So, what's a guilty mom to do? Naturally, I made a beeline for Starbucks. I picked up a hot cocoa and a cookie, scribbled a note apologizing for the stressful drop-off, and headed back to her school. It was my sugary olive branch, my makeshift repair kit.

This is my lingering “divorce guilt.” I don’t have her 100% of the time, and I’m hyper-aware of any negative moments. I spiral. I beat myself up, and then try to patch things up, with “stuff.” I have to stop doing this.

Take Your Own Advice, Mom

I realize I need to follow my own advice. My kids live their lives 100% of the time, not just when they’re with me. And guess what? If I hadn’t gotten divorced, this would still be true.

This isn’t about perfect parenting; it’s about being present. It’s about forgiving ourselves for those less-than-stellar moments and showing up, again and again. Because that’s what being a mom is all about—embracing the chaos, the rush, the tears, and the cocoa-filled makeups.

Embracing Imperfection

So, next time the morning rush spirals into tears, I’ll remind myself that it's okay. I’ll breathe and know that a heartfelt apology (and yes, sometimes a cookie) can go a long way.

Because, at the end of the day, it’s not about getting it right every time. It’s about loving fiercely, forgiving easily, and being present—for our kids and for ourselves.